Season 1 Episode 2

I just remembered that I made this so I’m going to make another entry. It’s always easiest to write when it’s one of the last things you need to be doing right now, but still it’s more productive than doom scrolling on your phone. I kind of do 3 things in my life right now and that’s work, exercise, and watch videos on my phone. I’ve cut back the social media usage which is huge because it truly does no good for me, or at least mainly less good stuff. Comparison is truly the thief of joy and social media is the confirmation bias that no one ever needs. Let me know if that doesn’t make sense. I wonder if that will even make sense to me when I come back and read this a month from now when I get bored again and decide to write Season 1 Episode 3. Let’s see if anything interesting amounts from this.

It’s Monday and I landed in Gulfport again a couple of hours ago. I went to 3 grocery stores to get my carefully selected dinner meal/snacks for the week. This is what happens when you spend a lot of time traveling by yourself; you get really good at perfecting the grocery meals and you have the time to do it. It is beautiful here. 70’s and sunny and I am truly blessed and fortunate to have a job that transplants me all over (especially when it coincides with escaping Chicago winters). It’s a little odd having a job and being 22. It’s just odd being an adult because all of the changes you make in your life have to be so intentional. I wish someone could clock me and call me out for not living life the way I should be. I feel like I am living very true to myself and my hobbies and what I value, but I think I am living a little too closed inside my own bubble and I wish someone would tell if that was true or not. Or maybe the act of me wanting someone to validate my choices already says enough about whether they are the right ones. It’s weird because I’m 22 and I am the youngest person I have ever worked with. I am the youngest in my office and still 9 months later the newest employee. I love my job and the company I work for, but it is also super peculiar and odd the way it is all set-up. It’s as if I am a private consultant running my own jobs. I don’t work with anyone in my office directly and I not for my line manager either. I mainly work for the company locations in the South because it just happened to work out that way I guess. I am not complaining, it’s just weird to be 22 and not have a mentor. Or even someone to compare myself too or to model after or be influenced by. It truly comes down to my every day choices on who I want to be and what I want to be and what I want to do. You are your habits and tonight I shopped at 3 grocery stores and still decided to eat 3 protein bars and some Greek yogurt for dinner so what does that say about me? I got all my stuff stolen in Italy this summer and still work out in regular bras because I have yet to replace the ones that were taken from me. I have money but the only thing I have purchased since I got my job is August was a Ninja Creami from Walmart, but only after it went on sale. Oh and well I guess stocks if those count but I kind of just think of that as a different type of savings account. I guess what I am saying is that I feel like I am doing so much and I allow myself to believe that too but really I just wake up, spend the day making myself tired, and then hopefully get 8 hours of sleep that night and I just do that every day. And I am happy with that but I am scared that this is what life is and I am just pretending to live or worse convincing myself that I am living and actually doing that. It’s weird to be 22 because you are so young but also so much older than when you were 16 and so much more excited about life and simultaneously terrified and full of regrets but none substantial enough that it would be worth going back and changing. No one ever admits to having regrets but there are a thing or two I wish I could switch up a little.