missing

It really sucks to miss someone. It feels like the most unproductive emotion. It's constant and demands so much energy. It really means nothing to miss besides to provide a realization that someone means a lot to you. I wish I could sign an oath of acknowledgement declaring what I miss, so I no longer need to feel it.

My life has become a routine aimed at "getting ahead of the missing". I try to sleep enough, move enough, eat enough, speak enough- just to get ahead the miss. Sometimes it feels like I'm preparing for battle. A war for my own peace- peace of mind, peace in life. and I’m scared. I don’t know when it will end, but it must, right? Some days are better than others and others are the worst ones yet. 

"I miss you” feels like an empty “I love you". A drive with no destination. To miss is to experience a journey, a period of self reflection. What do you miss? Why do you miss? How much and how long do you miss? Time is misses best friend. 

“Absence makes the heart grow founder”. It’s cruel when that missing comes from a death of sorts. Most of what you get is absence from that person, and then a plethora of missing without alleviation. Maybe if I got a good look at your face then I wouldn’t miss it any longer. Or maybe it’d make it all worse. I don’t know who controls the miss but if I did I’d ask them and then I’d beat them up for inflicting this hurt. 

To miss with no avail I’ve learned is one of the most tragic pains of all.