questioning

We are told to question everything; A key characteristic in the most successful and revolutionary people of the past. I must be too intelligent because I’m beginning to even question myself (kidding). Do I actually agree with this persons point of view? Do I genuinely like what I’m doing, where I’m predicted to end up? Piece by piece I pick apart the version of myself I once knew so well but now appears only as a blurry reflection. One new positive discovery is the trust I hold in myself, unfortunately discovered along side the lack of trust I have in everyone else. I have found that I am alone in excelling the high standards of the blatant brutal honest truth I desire. 

I even question why I question and specifically why I question my trust in others. Maybe it’s because I was literally told to, that the mindset of questioning would lead me to becoming one of those greats, the honorary cemented in history, the ones praised for their revolutionary ideas. But no, my lack of trust doesn’t stem from the concept of questioning, but from the disappointing reality of lies deceptively camouflaged as truths. 

Everyday I doubt my whole perception of reality: the way life turns, if what I’m told to care about really matters, and even the presumed charismatic details to conversations, such as compliments. How can I ever learn to trust what someone says when I can’t even trust the foundation that the structure of life sits on? It’s not that I don’t trust that you think I’m beautiful it’s that why would that be the one lie I do believe?